Today is a good day.

Today is a good day. There is washing up to do, toys on the floor & clothes to put away.

& guess what? I'm snuggled in bed with my gorgeous daughter, watching Home Alone 2.

Today is a good day, because I've ignored the mess, I've looked past it & decided to rest- instead of obsessing over the daily chores.

Today is a good day because I am happily cuddling my daughter & laughing at her cheekiness(& the fact she's fallen asleep cuddled up with the tele remote) -I'm not itching all over, dying to scrub the floor, re-paint the walls, or dunk my little brother in the bath after he's covered himself in pen & paint.

Today is a good day, because I've looked at the mess & told myself 'I can do it later'.

Today is a good day, because I've let it be a good day.

Without being told to let it be, I've done it myself. I've overcome the fear of the mess & I'm proud.

Today is a good day & I am happy.

I hope tomorrow's a good day too! 

Two weeks after diagnosis.

So, it's been two weeks since the official diagnosis of Post Natal Depression & OCD(Obsessive compulsive disorder) & I must say, I am very proud of myself. I've had to make some very hard decisions- which could possibly change my future, but I've made them & I feel like I'm slowly getting back on track!
Being a Mum is hard, being a teenage Mum, when you're constantly being judged & bitched about is even harder! I tried my best to be 'perfect'. To try & make people think I wasn't the stereotypical teenage mum(partying, benefits etc..) I stayed at school, I began constantly cleaning, tidying & making sure my family looked presentable at all times. I started college, I tried to be the perfect girlfriend, daughter, sister.. I wanted people to think good of me, to be proud of my decisions. & now I've realized that they were proud of me from the start- I was made to be a GOOD mum, teenager or not, tidy house or not, stylish clothes ..or not.
I worried about what people would say, so I never brought jarred baby food, always made from scratch, I set a strict cleaning routine(6+ hours a day!) I would moan at the boyfriend for being a little immature- what would people think of us, messing around like children, when we have a child ourselves?! & now I've realized that NO Mum is perfect, whether 16, 26, 36+.. & in actual fact, listening to the bitchiness & the constant criticizing & aiming to please everyone actually made me more of a bad Mum than a good mum. I isolated myself from my family & friends, I spent more time cleaning than playing with my daughter, I'd break down in tears everyday. But now I'm happy. I've made the decision to quite college until I'm better- & I feel proud, proud because I am a GOOD mum, even though I'm 16.
So here's to better days- no more breakdowns, no more days on end of crying & shaking.
A happy me= a happy baby & a happy partner. What more do I need?! (Maybe £1million.. hehe)
It's going to be a long road, but HEY. I've been through so much crap that I'm sure with the support of my family & friends..(& my lovely happy pills) I can beat this.
This is just the start of a new beginning!