19 weeks pregnancy update!

19 weeks pregnant!! :) This week I barely have anything to report on! Baby's movements are getting stronger by the day- lots of kicks rather than waves of movement. I've been suffering really badly with heartburn/acid so have some medication coming. Sleep is getting a bit harder and I find myself waking earlier wanting to be up and at 'em haha. Emotionally I'm feeling fab- medication has really kicked in and i'm not having any negative thoughts!  My belly is quickly expanding as you can see by the picture!! Alyssa is getting more involved and loves talking to my stomach!

Next week is our gender scan and i'm feeling excited, if a little nervous!

That's all for this week! Pregnancy is going amazingly!!

Another bad day.

Just as I thought I had picked myself up, stupid old me forgets to take my tablets and all my hard work comes crashing back down into the black hole that is depression. Last week was so positive. I was enjoying waking up and doing daily jobs, playing with Alyssa and just being a mum. The house was spotless, all washing caught up on and everyone was feeling positive. We enjoyed her birthday but straight after I could feel myself slipping. I went back to not wanting to get out of bed, sleeping on the sofa all afternoon and not feeling close to Alyssa. Then today just topped it off. Alyssa has obviously picked up on my stress and has played up something rotten. The house is a tip and Triston and I are disagreeing over everything because I'm feeling irritable. I thought I'd take Alyssa to the park but realised all my trousers/jeans etc were in the wash.. so that plan went out the window. Felt myself getting emotional- and realised I hadn't taken my tablets for a few days. Went to look for them and they've disappeared. Every time I do this. When I'm on a high I forget about my medication- I enjoy the happiness too much to notice. Then I scoop back down into a bad place again. 
Really struggling today, and can't help but think that I'll be relying on tablets to make me happy for the rest of my life. 

18 weeks pregnancy update!

18 weeks pregnant!

This week I've hit 18 weeks!! Still feeling amazing! We celebrated Alyssa's 2nd birthday and have been busy, busy, busy! 

Symptom wise, everything is going well. I have a little bit of SPD pain, heartburn/acid and feeling hungry but nothing to disturb everyday life.
My belly is slowly starting to round out and emotionally I'm feeling super- if a little stressed from a toddler with the terrible twos lol!

We have finally got our names set for baby, just need to wait for our next scan (in 2 weeks) to see if we can find out the gender.

Alyssa is becoming increasingly involved with baby. Always asking to see my belly and give baby a kiss or a tickle. She's going to be an amazing big sister!

At this point with Alyssa I still had severe morning sickness, terrible heartburn and was very emotional so I'm feeling glad this pregnancy is different!

That is all I have to report on this week, stick around for my next update!!

Pooooooorly! 17 week pregnancy update.

I have just realised that I've been lacking on posts recently. Three weeks ago I fell unwell, I was having headaches, nosebleeds, collapsing, chest pains and breathlessness. I went to hospital and was told it was just a chest infection. So I started the antibiotics and was put on bed rest. I felt dreadful and I just didn't get better. Things were getting worse and I couldn't move off the sofa. Triston had time off work which was a great help. After I finished the antibiotics we went swimming. Bad idea. I had a severe allergic reaction to a chemical in the pool. My legs were so swollen and covered in burns and blisters. Resulted in another trip to hospital. They gave me more antibiotics for my chest and other medications for my legs.
Anyway, to cut to the chase I've only just started feeling a bit more human.

I am 17 weeks pregnant today and pregnancy wise feeling fab. All symptoms have gone- although nesting has come around again lol.
I am feeling small wriggles in my tummy and baby hates when I lie on it- cue the sleepless nights haha.

My skin and hair is doing fine, no sickness anymore and emotionally I feel great. More than ready to welcome our new baby.

In 24 days we find out the gender and have decided to keep it a secret from friends lol.

A bump is starting to develop finally and slimming world is going great- still losing weight but baby is growing healthily.

The midwife found babys heartbeat and we also found out that I am finally immune to rubella- which I wasn't with Alyssa. My iron/blood pressure is perfect and urine clear!

So that's a bit of an update for you all! Sorry for lack of posts!! I hope you can understand why lol.

Here is bumpy at 16+6 weeks.

Depression doesn't stop for birthdays.

On the 3rd of January, I turnt 18. A big milestone.. but I didn't feel like celebrating.
As I was told my life begins now, I'm an adult now.. and after a meal with all of my friends soon to be Uni students, I felt awful.
I've never regretted the decisions I've made.. and never will.. however on my birthday, I felt different.
I thought about my friends, going to Uni.. getting jobs, parties etc.. and wondered if I had done the right thing.
Obviously my low confidence helped my brain make the decision that I hadn't done the right thing.
I felt like a rubbish mum- no job, no further education.. nothing to show my girl and her brother or sister how well I've done. No hobby to be proud of.. no job to provide for them.
Now I know, sympathy isn't given when you've gor yourself into a situation and you'll be thinking it's my own fault- I'm not silly.. but I feel the need to share this to show teenage girls that having a baby isn't JUST about dressing them up and pushing prams.
Opportunities like college/uni/parties etc.. are twice as hard to work for, take twice as long to do for some.. or never happen at all. Especially if you're unfortunate enough to develop depression.
I broke down in tears and couldn't stop. My 18th should be about plans to move out, partying and forgetting about coursework for a day. Not tidying up my own house whilst chasing my child around and throwing up morning sickness.

It was a horrid morning.. I doubted my parenting and everything.
That afternoon, I sat down and Alyssa came running up to me, hugged me and pronounced peoudly 'I love you mummy'. Out of the blue.. a whole sentance. Not even 2 years old.
That's when it hit me.. I dont have qualifications (that won't get you far in this day anyway) I don't have a job (but Triston does and provides for us) I don't have parties (that would be forgotten anyway) but what I do have is 1000000x better than any of that. I have a clever little girl who loves me, dotes on me and cherishes time with me.. who I will guide into the right direction and show the world to.

Being a parent is hard.. being one with an extra hurdle like being young or depression, or any other hurdle is even harder.

Think about what you want before making that one decision that could change your life forever.

Reflecting..

Christmas and new years always makes me reflect.. on the year we've had. What went well, what didn't.
So I thought I'd share 5 main points from this year- good and bad!

1- We moved into our own home. This was a BIG change for us, but a very welcome one. After living in a shared house for a year and a half with a baby/toddler, it was needed! A new house meant we could make our own routine, healthier food choices, and meant we had freedom to do what we wanted, when we wanted. A downside- ALL of the housework is down to us.. boooo!

2- Triston lost 2 jobs within the space of 3 months. This was a hard time for us, financially we made decisions that weren't great (we have sorted them now thank God) and we weren't able to do the things we used to enjoy. It sent my depression on a downward spiral and I needed my medication UPPING :( Although it did give us some much needed time together. .

3- I started Slimming World! This was a huge step for me.. I was so unconfident before and my weight spiraled out of control. I reached my all time heaviest and felt so ugly. Obviously not good for depression, anxiety and low self esteem. Since joining I've lost 12lbs (more if I didn't have a few naughty weeks lol) and although I can't yet notice a big change, I feel healthier in myself and am loving thd home cooking!

4- I found out I was pregnant! A big shock, but a happy one. We didn't want it to happen, precautions were in place.. but once we found out we were.. we were ecstatic. So far no affect on depression! :-) Feeling very positive..

and... 5- I continued to gain support from my followers on blogger, youtube and Facebook.. and helped people in need.. I am proud of my efforts- big and small! Depression affect- positive!

Of course, more than 5 things have happened.. but these are the ones that stood out to me!

I wish you all a Happy and healthy new year!!

pregnancy week 9!

I cant believe we're at week 9 already!
Tpday I had my first midwife appt and I am very happy with how things went.
They're pleased with how we are as teenage parents and don't think we need any support on that half which is fab!
Slimming world is still allowed as I am still 'overweight' so I can carry on which is great as I love the support I get from the group!
As for symptoms- I'm feeling fab! No symptoms as such.. just dry, horrid tasting mouth which I'm scrubbing at least 5 times a day! Eeewww!
I spoke about my PND and she is happy with my progress and will make sure I have suppprt in place if need be but for now I'm feeling happier than I've ever been!
Alyssas really getting used to a baby being inside me and keeps kissing and stroking 'baby baby' haha!
Christmas is soon here and I am so excited! :) There will be a separate post just after Christmas telling you all about it!
I can't believe how much things have changed since Alyssas pregnancy..

Look at this fab pink maternity notes book I have- it used to be a blue pouch!

Tata for now anyway, a quick post but hope you enjoyed. X