Diary post #1

(I feel ever so crazy doing this.. but my doctor said writing a diary will help.. and I thought you might be interested in reading it too.)

Dear diary,
Today has been a good day. The sun makes me so happy. I felt confident in a strappy vest top, which is a hugeeee difference to how I was before. I have been relaxed and smiley.

We took a picnic to the park and played in the river with Alyssa! :-) She absolutely loved it and seeing her happy makes me happy.

I've not thought about anything bad.. and looked at the best of situations.. including Alyssa running in the road(I'd normally think oh lord that's dreadful- but today I understood that now she has done it, I was able to tell her off and let her know it's dangerous).

Making the best of situations isn't easy for me, so am feeling very proud.

That's all for now! Not much to report on from today.

Tata for now. ♡

Saturday is caption day. #SatCap

The real sleeping beauty. :0)

Not ready..

So on Wednesday I had a breakdown. My depression had got the better of me and took my motivation. The house was a mess from this.. and then my OCD reared it's ugly head. I'm sure they work together to bug me!! Anyway, I was very tearful, stressed and upset.. all because I missed some medication. I then realised that I am not ready for my medication to be lowered. I am scared and feel that I'll go off of tracks. I was so pleased before.. but it seems to have got on top of me. I am a bit gutted that I I won't be having them lowered, after trying so hard, but I know I need to stay on them for the safety of myself and the people around me.. also for the sanity! There's plenty of time for it to happen, just not now. In September it will be a year since diagnosis.. and for people to get that far is a big achievment.. not many are off of meds by then.. so maybe I was being a bit too optimistic. I am looking forward to seeing my doctor and telling her my feelings.. although I have lots of people to talk to, it's nice talking to someone who doesn't know me.. it's like they don't have to help.. they purely want to(even though they get paid lol).

 So, I guess that for now.. I need my happy pills.. but ONE DAY I will beat this!!

silent sunday :)

House and depression update!

, we are all moved in to our new house.. and things are going great! Moving house with a toddler had it's challenges, but I managed to stay stress free and we're finally settled in. Life is somewhat different now.. more relaxed but structured. We have developed a steady routine and I believe that is what has made me how I am today... happy, relaxed and carefree! THAT'S RIGHT.. I have a hinch that I am on the road to recovery..speeding ahead from the 'dead end' I was on. I have a meeting with my doctor on the third to discuss weaning me off of my medication.. I'm feeling positive about this now, rather than nervous. :)

1. Alyssa is growing fast now.. sixteen monthsngoing on sixteen years. She has developed a right little character and makes me laugh everyday! A perfect help to my recovery.

 That's all for today.. but I will be back! :)

A litle ramble about our day! :)

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Wow! I never knew how exhausting things would get once Alyssa started walking! We spent 2.5 hours walking around town & visiting two parks & then having to climb the huuuge hill to get home & I am cream crackered! Alyssa, however, got home & danced around the sitting room & then took 'Ted' for a walk around the house in her stroller. How does she have the energy?

We chased the Ducks & Pigeons today & added two new words to Alyssa's ever improving Vocab- Bumbum & duck! :') 

It's amazing how much toddlers learn each day. At 14 months she's so intelligent & my heart swells with pride when I see her do something new!

So here are three of my favourite pictures of our outing today.. I hope you enjoy them!

She loves the swings!

'Let me out!'

Having a wonder! :)

Our beautiful baby is WALKING! :')

So around three weeks ago, Lissy took her 'first steps' this was 6 steps from mummy to daddy & then landing on her bum in fits of giggles. Since then, she has had NO confidence what-so-ever & didn't take anymore steps, or even attempt to. She has never stood alone for more than 30 seconds either. 

So yesterday, when we were totally unexpecting it.. Alyssa decided to confidently trot across the front room, stop in the middle to have a look around & carry on across over to me.. WHERE did this come from? 

I was so shocked, she looked so confident- like she had been doing it for ages! :O

Well, since then.. there's been no stopping her, she's been running around, holding hands with her friend at playgroup, running around the park, the house.. she's super speedy! :')

Due to medical problems, I was a late walker & find it difficult to walk still at 17 years old. I always had doubts in my mind, & thought Alyssa may have the same thing as me.. but it seems if she has, she's not letting it stop her walk & run like all of her friends.

Triston & myself are soo proud of her, but life is now going to be 10x more hectic. With a house move in two days, a walking baby.. & a complete change of routine.. when I write my next post, I may have 2000 grey hairs & wrinkles all over my face!
Hahahahaha.

Anyway, here's a quick clip of Alyssa walking up the street & stroking ou r cat. Enjoy! :)