The past couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster for me. My anxiety & trust issues returned & I've had a few breakdowns. Just bursting into tears for no reason what-so-ever. Some days have been really good, & then I see things on the news, Poverty stricken countries, wars taking over people's lives, money issues, people dying of Cancer, house fires, floods etc.. & I feel so angry at the world. But then again, I look at my beautiful daughter & how fast she's developing, her smile, her cheeky giggle.. & I think, why do I feel angry.. I've got the most perfect family I could have ever wished for, & no matter what the world is doing, they're here with me. I guess it's never going to be the same again, not now I've come to terms with it. There'll still be bad days, I'm just hoping I can be strong enough to get through them better than I have this past week.
I cannot be more thankful for my wonderful partner though. He has to put up with so much negativity from me, not wanting cuddles, not smiling.. sitting around looking sad, getting angry at him for being silly etc.. How he manages to be so amazing & supportive, whilst having his own problems occasionally, I'll never know. I honestly thought he wouldn't want to stay. Who'd want to stay with someone who spends a lot of the time hiding in the bathroom crying? My Triston, that's who! He always seems to find a way to cheer me up, no matter how low I feel. He treats me like a Princess, cuddles me, & tells me it's all going to be okay.. He'll sit stroking my hair until I fall asleep, or rub my back when I'm so tense I'm shaking.
THAT is why I love him so much. He always puts Alyssa & I first, no matter what.
Although I haven't posted for a while, writing is still my best therapy.. that & walking.
Writing helps me 'throw away' my negative thoughts & start a clean slate(Why I tend to write at nighttime before bed) & walking helps me 'take in' all the fresh air, the atmosphere around me.. I'm free when I'm walking, I can go anywhere I'd like to go.. :)
Alyssa is one of the other ways I cope. Who could be sad when they see her giggling away to herself, or cuddling the cat(Or anything fluffy for that matter?) I know I have to be strong for her, & that helps a lot!
Chocolate is another good way of coping.. but that's not the best one(I'm trying to cut down, haha)
Anyway, I think my head is clear now, so I am off for the night.. to TRY & get some sleep on these darn tablets.
Once again, thank-you for reading.. & I hope this helps to make people realize.. DEPRESSION ISN'T WEAKNESS. (:
