This morning was a bad one.

I woke up this morning, after an unsettled sleep due to the medication & I knew automatically I wasn't feeling okay. I was tired, had no energy & everything was bugging me.

I had no reason to feel like this.. apart from the fact that my feelings are everywhere.

I couldn't see beyond the mess. I knew there would be washing to do, bedding to sort out, toys to put away & for some reason today, I couldn't see beyond it. I couldn't see that it could be left, or that it wasn't really that much to do(Would have been done whilst Alyssa had her mid-day nap).

But I couldn't put the good into perspective. What was really a few, everyday tasks, felt like a mammoth load & I felt like I could have climbed Mt Everest more easily than doing the stuff that needed to be done.

In the end, I broke down. Which was horrible. I've been strong for a couple of days now.

I cried & cried. I shook & just wanted to tuck myself under my duvet & dream of a world with white walls, no mess & blue skies.

My only comfort was knowing I had Triston there by me. He hugged me, stroked my hair & told me everything was going to be okay.

He told me it was going to get easier.

I am so lucky. If he didn't support me, I don't know where I'd be.

My mood changed this afternoon, after booking a property viewing.

That's the thing I hate about this illness, the moods going from 0-100 in less than 5 seconds! I feel like a numpty. One minute I'm crying, the next I'm bouncing around the place like Tigger!

The bad days are never going to completely go away, but I hope I can make them fewer.

I don't like being like this.. I want to be happy. (& not over happy where I'm screaming down the phone to the lettings agent because I'm excited!!) 

The bad days are awful. No energy, headaches, shaking, crying, rocking, shouting, itching... it's not nice & probably even worse for someone to witness.

That's the main reason I'm determined to beat this.

So my daughter & partner can have the happy me back. The fun me.

Tomorrow should hopefully be a better day, but at least I can take comfort from the fact that I can & I will beat this.

One day, hopefully not too far away, day's like this will be a moment of the past.