My next appointment with the GP is in June, & she will be re-assessing me to see if I can have my medication lowered. But I'm starting to get scared already. Right now, everything's going well. I'm feeling positive, the bad days are less frequent & I'm much more confident. Alyssa & I are bonding well, & my relationship with Triston is booming. But what if it goes downhill if my meds are lowered? I don't even want to risk it.. but I don't want to rely on the medication forever & be known as 'the girl who has her emotions controlled by tablets' sorta thing? :S It's a really big step to take, & I shouldn't even be thinking about it right now, but I am.. Does that mean that when the time comes I'm gonna freak out even more?
I'm happy now, yes.. but what if that's only because of the medication? I never even want to be anywhere near the low I was in before I told the doctors.. & if I have it lowered, then there's always that chance.
I don't want to go through it all again.. :/
& future babies? What if it isn't lowered, but then when we decide the time is right for another baby, what if I'm still not ready really? If I think I am, but I'm not? I want to be able to know my own feelings, produced by my own thoughts, not with the help of some silly tablets! :(
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