Not ready..

So on Wednesday I had a breakdown. My depression had got the better of me and took my motivation. The house was a mess from this.. and then my OCD reared it's ugly head. I'm sure they work together to bug me!! Anyway, I was very tearful, stressed and upset.. all because I missed some medication. I then realised that I am not ready for my medication to be lowered. I am scared and feel that I'll go off of tracks. I was so pleased before.. but it seems to have got on top of me. I am a bit gutted that I I won't be having them lowered, after trying so hard, but I know I need to stay on them for the safety of myself and the people around me.. also for the sanity! There's plenty of time for it to happen, just not now. In September it will be a year since diagnosis.. and for people to get that far is a big achievment.. not many are off of meds by then.. so maybe I was being a bit too optimistic. I am looking forward to seeing my doctor and telling her my feelings.. although I have lots of people to talk to, it's nice talking to someone who doesn't know me.. it's like they don't have to help.. they purely want to(even though they get paid lol).

 So, I guess that for now.. I need my happy pills.. but ONE DAY I will beat this!!