Life before Parenthood.

If you know me, you will know how I was before I became a parent. To lots I was the geeky girl, the one who didn't care about her clothes, her hair, her make-up, the one who listened in lessons & handed her homework in on time, the overweight girl, who couldn't play catch or handstands with the others in the playground. I was shy & quiet, & kept myself to myself. I didn't want people to stare, or talk about me, I went red in awkward situations, like being told off by the teacher, I would cry if I got a detention. Me? I was  the girl with the Backpack instead of the handbag, the knee length skirt & shirt tucked in, instead of the lycra skirt & tight fitting top. I lumped about the school hall in Gymnastics, & panted as we ran a short distance in PE. I was the girl who sucked up to the teachers. I would let people walk all over me, & I wasn't really happy.

I had friends, who are still my friends now. But even they weren't 'like me'. 

I would hang out at the park with my friends, or making up dance routines in the kitchen to old songs, whilst others were talking about hot boy bands, I was talking about last night's homework. 

As the years in Secondary school passed by, I didn't want to be that girl anymore. But I didn't want to be like the rest. 

I didn't want to party, or go to Uni, I didn't want to travel the world either. I got more & more interested in children(In a non-pervy way). I took on Health & Social Care lessons & watched programmes about family life & babies. I found a new me, a me who was dying inside to be a Mum. To have someone to care for, forever. To have someone to love. I had been let down in the past by my Dad, & practically all my family members died within the space of 3 years. I had my Mum, but she had her own troubles, & I didn't want to hassle her. I wanted someone that would love me, & never leave me. I wanted someone to be able to be proud of me, & to accept me for who I was.

I wanted my very own bundle of joy, that I could watch grow & develop & know that I created it. I wanted to do the household chores, the cooking, the messy play etc. I didn't want to go to concerts, or to get drunk on the weekends, I wanted a baby.

I wasn't silly enough to just have a baby with anyone though. I knew that a baby wasn't a thing to just pop out & have. I knew that I needed to be with someone I loved, & I thought about everything beforehand. Money, lifestyle, school/education etc. & although Alyssa wasn't planned, I knew deep down the consequences of not protecting ourselves, & I let that happen.

Despite the ups & the downs, I much prefer my life now. Being a Mummy definitely is the best thing in the world!